The relational component of the church is underscored through imagery of the church as a body, a fellowship, and as a family. Paul encourages the Galatians to “do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” In 1 Timothy 3:15, he instructs Timothy about “how people ought to conduct themselves in God’s household, which is the church of the living God.” In the family of God, we are brothers and sisters.
Several years ago, family researcher Deborah Gold, identified five common types of adult sibling relationships. These might be interesting and instructive in a church setting:
1. Intimate: High devotion; especially close; the relationship is based on mutual love, concern, empathy, understanding and durability
2. Congenial: Strong friendship and caring; less depth and reliability than intimate siblings, but still somewhat regular and frequent contact
3. Loyal: Base their relationship on common family history; support each other during crises; participate in family gatherings; regular, but not frequent contact
4. Apathetic: Mutual lack of interest; lives have gone in different directions; minimal contact
5. Hostile: Strong negative feelings, such as anger and resentment; considerable negative psychological preoccupation with the relationship; no contact
Thankfully, the first three sibling types (intimate, congenial, and loyal) represent the majority of adult sibling relationships. Research shows that many older adults have meaningful relationships with their siblings. Researchers have also found that relationships with siblings can contribute to life satisfaction, higher morale, fewer depressive symptoms, psychological well-being, and a greater sense of security.
I wonder how this typology of sibling relationships might apply to spiritual brothers and sisters? My inclination is to believe that each of the five characterizations is present in many church families. Hopefully, the first three are the most prevalent. Perhaps the awareness of these categories might help us reflect on the quality of our relationships, and find ways to move toward deeper, more meaningful, and enduring ties.
What about our sibling relationships in the family of all mankind? How would you characterize your relationship with others in the world, or at work, or who live next door, who share the family resemblance of the image of God? One to five, how do you relate?
Typically, our childhood sibling relationships influence our adult relationships. But, sometimes, as individuals mature, they let go of past hurts or feelings of anger, resentments or jealousies. Often referred to as “mellowing out”, siblings make conscious decisions to put the past behind them and build new ways to relate together.
For the glory of God and the good of everyone in the family and the church and the world, maybe it’s time to grow up and mellow out.
Dennis Lynn
