The article I was reading focused on pastoral counseling and, specifically, how to approach a couple who is having marital difficulty, but is willing to work on their relationship together. The author of the article, Ron Edmondson, suggested three basic questions to help discern the desire of the couple to grow in love. Here they are:
1. Where do you want this marriage to go?
Not every couple talks about the goals and direction of their relationship. It’s hard to move toward a destination you’re unsure of. Taking time to consider and then respond to this question may provide deep insights and provoke meaningful interaction.
2. How will you get there?
Once a common course is set, it’s time to “plan the work and work the plan” for reaching the goal. Sometimes, it’s helpful to have a third party assist in the process of arriving at action steps and check in to assess progress along the way.
3. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to reach the place you want to be?
This is the commitment question. How much do you really want things to change? Are you willing to do the hard things that move you toward the goal?
As I was considering these three questions, I began to also think about other relationships and other endeavors. For example: Where do I want my work (or studies) to go? How will I get there this year? Am I willing to do whatever it takes to reach the place I want to be?
Where do I want my relationship with my other family members and friends to go? How will I get there? Am I really willing to do whatever it takes to reach the place I want to be with them?
Where do I want my relationship with God and other God-followers to go? How will I get there and reach the goals I’ve set? Am I willing to sacrifice, serve, love and do whatever else it takes to reach the place I want to be with them?
Where do I want my relationship with my neighbors, co-workers, strangers, and enemies to go? How will I set my priorities and change my attitudes and actions to get there? Am I truly willing to do whatever it takes to love the world like God does?
Three questions to consider.
Three answers that could change everything.
Dennis Lynn
Redwood Church
